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The current period marks a full decade since the term “disappearing” entered the common lexicon. Initially, the idea that someone could abruptly cease contact with a partner without explanation seemed like the peak of indignity. Our innocence was charming. In the 10 years since, navigating toward a significant other has only become more bewildering – an oftentimes unsuccessful pursuit in embarrassment that is increasingly pigeonholed by social media jargon.

Zoomers, a cohort who matured during a loneliness crisis, a male identity crisis, and a coordinated attack on the rights of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a significantly more chaotic landscape than their millennial elders could ever envision. And so their dating lexicon has grown more extensive and more bizarre, with phrases like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” straining the boundaries of your sanity.

The following list is a extensive breakdown to the phrases this generation is using to navigate romance, intimacy and the pursuit of both. To paraphrase one of the year’s most enduring online sayings, by the end of this guide you’ll long to get back to a bygone era – because where that is, it is free from “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Genuineness – For Zoomers, romance's gold standard is presenting as your real, unvarnished self. You'll need it with that!

B

Feathered friend test – A TikTok trend loosely based on a methodology developed by couples researchers, in which you point out something trivial – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and note whether your date's reaction is engaged or dismissive. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Independent partner – Gen Z’s response to the “quirky fantasy girl” trope of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner prioritizes herself while oozing enigma and independence. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

C

Seat theory – This refers to seeking out someone who helps you proactively. If you entered a room, they would fetch a chair for you to sit down.

Task-based bonding – A outing where two people bond while handling tasks, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped twentysomethings do budget-friendly romance in a post-cheap-date world.

Melting down – Losing it when you feel swamped by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or split, venting all of your (unrequited) emotions.

D

DINK – Two incomes, no children. Once a signifier of 80s young urban professional excess, it describes pairs who forgo having children to prioritize their own fulfillment. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

E

Open communication – The antithesis of playing it cool: practicing dialogue, transparency and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Signals

• Danger signals – Personal quirks signaling a prospective partner is not right. For instance calling their former partners crazy, bad gratuity habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Positive signs – These traits validate your decision to pursue a mate. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal phone use, owning a bed frame …
• Neutral quirks – These typically describe niche, largely inoffensive quirks. For instance being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still keeping a biro in their bag, paying rent in cash …

Niche bonding – When you find someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the second world war or physical media hoarding or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who despises the same things or people that you do (nothing creates intimacy faster than having a nemesis).

The Letter G

Geese – A band many young men listens to.

Ghostlighting – Someone who reappears into your life after a length of disappearing.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is affable, accommodating and devoted. The rare partner who is liked by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's opposite.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online community of men so fixated with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, intentionally postponing orgasm so they can persist as long as possible.

H

Heterofatalism – A trend describing many women’s increasing despair toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An ideal promoted by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and contentedly domestic, who seemingly has no goals of her own other than satisfying her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Icks – Random and usually everyday repulsions that immediately extinguish any feelings of attraction.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an incredibly thoughtful act.

J

Jobs – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ideal catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd prefer partners in sectors they perceive as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: nurses, teachers or counselors.

K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has been around for 16m years. But the era of kissing may be limited since some Zoomers prefer fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic romance authentic.

Kittenfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {